Jan 052012
 

Jackie strolled into the kitchen, tossing a new ball into the air as she walked.
“Where did you get that ball from?” asker her mother.
“Outside, it was lost.”
“Now Jackie, are you sure it was lost?”
“Mom, of course I’m sure it was lost. I just saw a boy down the street looking for it.”

« ¤ »

A mother came home to find a broken glass picture frame in the living room. She immediately cried out for her son, “Jonathon Robert McKenzie! Do you know anything about this broken picture frame?”
“Yes,” Little Johnny explained, “I was cleaning my slingshot when it went off!”

« ¤ »

Belly Laughs
Farmer: You know, we country folk are smarter than you city folk.
City dweller: What? How do you figure that?
Farmer: We know where L.A. is but you don’t know where Podunk is.

« ¤ »

Farmer John: Did the tornado damage your barn last night?
Farmer Jim: Don’t know… haven’t found it yet.

« ¤ »

Ricky: What does a schoolteacher have in common with an eye doctor?
Sarah: I don’t know, what?
Ricky: They both stare at pupils.

« ¤ »

Teacher: Mark, compose a sentence using the word archaic.
Mark: We all know we can’t have archaic and eat it too.

« ¤ »

Ronald: What’s the difference between air and water?
George: Air can get wetter, water can’t.

« ¤ »

Q. What do you get when you cross a woodpecker and a carrier pigeon?
A. A bird that knocks before delivering the package.
Q. What goes black white black white black white…?
A. A penguin rolling down a hill!
Q. What’s black and white and laughing?
A. The penguin who pushed him!

« ¤ »

A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, she was incredibly furious now.
The next day she saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” The lady was so annoyed that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and have the bird put to sleep. The store manager said, “That’s not good.” and promised he wouldn’t say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, “Hey lady.” She paused and said, “Yes?” and the bird said, “You know.”

« ¤ »

When coming in for a landing at Mitchell Field, the airplane made three little hops before finally landing firmly. The flight attendant spoke over the PA system and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we thank you for flying with us today and would like to take a quick survey on which landing you liked the best.”

« ¤ »

From a flight into Chicago, the landing was rather touch and go, with oxygen masks dangling and items strewn about the airplane. But after we finally set down on the runway and began to taxi to the terminal the flight attendant calmly announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have just attacked Midway, and will begin de-boarding procedures when the wind dies.”

« ¤ »

Standard policy of one particular airline was for the pilot or copilot to stand at the door while the passengers exited the plane and thank them for flying with them that day. On one particularly bumpy flight and even rougher landing, the copilot stood and gave the usual farewell wishes to the departing passengers, until the last one came down the aisle. An elderly woman walking with a four-pronged cane walked up to the pilot and asked, “Sweetie, did we make it or were we shot down?”

« ¤ »

A flight attendant with a sense of humor had this to say over an extremely bumpy landing: “Please remain seated with your seat belts fastened while Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the gate!”

 Posted by on 01/05/2012 Jokes  Add comments

  One Response to “Belly Laughs”

  1. Funny